clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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