Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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