I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
