i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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