I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
