no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
