I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
