I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
