I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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