I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They took my balls.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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