...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Terrible idea I love it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
