after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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