Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
