He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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