and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
