So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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