I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
