Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
