We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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