In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
