Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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