I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
