I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
