There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
