Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
