If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
