Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
