im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
