so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
