I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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