I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My vagina just recognized that song.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
