Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
