tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
