my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
