He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
