Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
