Yo dont text me then not text me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
