At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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