They should really pass out barf bags in church
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just high enough for therapy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
