when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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