My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
