so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish I only lived at night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
