evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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