There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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