If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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