Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
