you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
