Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I still have a little drunk in my system
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
