There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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