I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
