chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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