Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
