Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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