Did you just see the Batmobile???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
