Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
