Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
