he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
