thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
