I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
